been blogging a lot recently, maybe because, i've so much i wanted to say, i cant tell my monkey friends my troubles, they'll prolly laugh at me being stupid, i cant tell the other friends tt much of my troubles too, cause i realise i might in the end irritates them only. Or maybe i'm just too afraid to hear somethings that i know they might say, and i am unwilling to hear.....

Today i passed my bike practical subject 7< my most feared subject>, i realise in a lot of things.... the harder i try to get a better result, in the end it just turn out worse..... this is particular true in many aspect for my life.... including my love life.
i realise if i just do things normally, and do within my own best.... things turns out to be so much better, last week, i followed the instructor's direction very closely and tried to make things perfect..... in the end.... i almost crash into another car and i failed the 1st time, today i did it with a very relaxed mood, everything was done smoothly and i passed it......

if i treat her like a normal friend and dont be so hard on myself.... maybe i'll feel better and less hurt... maybe she wont treat me like this now..... maybe you can say i'm oversensetive, but its been quite a while..... i realised.... she treats me better when we first knew each other........ we used to talk about a lot of things, but we hardly can maintain a conversation nowadays, she used to reply my sms, but among the sms i sent... how many did i get back a reply.....
maybe she needs time to bring her to treat me like when she 1st knew me........
i'm so regretted for the things i've done, the things i've say, the childishness of mine..........
i only wish that i could turn back time
back to the time when i first knew her at that dinner
back to the time when i first asked for her number
i only wish that she could forget everything about me, forget that i had ever existed, it'll hurts, but at least i'll start all over again
but its all just a wish, so distant and unreachable........